This is to makeup for all the selfcare sundays I have missed this month and last month. At the beginning of last semester I talked to this person, and I thought we would just become friends. That isn’t what happened, I have written a lot about this person and I don’t know if I should be happy about that or not.
I would say I have someone to blame but its really myself. I warned this person from the very beginning that I wasn’t good for them but they wanted to help me, I pushed them away. Though they kept coming back to try and help but I knew I would just use them. I didn’t want to do that since we would see each other around on campus. Time passed and I talked to them again, to try and figure out what we were now. I thought we would go back to being friends or something along those lines. But I went back into the mindset that I could use them. So I dropped them again, I didn’t talk to them and they didn’t talk back. I didn’t want to do this to them, or to anyone for that matter, so I isolated myself. I was scared of seeing them again, I hid in my dorm room and only went out to class. I guarded myself when I went anywhere on campus alone. I didn’t want to see them because they could have talked to me.
During that time though, I was in a dark place in all honesty, I wasn’t taking care of my body like I normally would. I had these unhealthy coping mechanisms that I did not want to go back to so I tried to think of something to distract me. Time passed and I remember crying one night in my friends room, that is when I had my laptop up there so I tried to keep myself busy with writing and Youtube videos. I was thinking of starting a Youtube channel but realized I didn’t like being in front of a camera to talk. Then I thought about starting a blog, then I thought ,how hipster do we want to get? All I knew is I needed something to keep my mind off of them. It’s only a big deal if we make it one right? So I found my old blog and thought why not actually start this up? I did a couple of clicks and had is all set up, now just what do I post about. At first I thought about book reviews but I didn’t read as much as I did in the past. Then I thought about my outfits, until then they were very bland and not fun. I have always loved fashion, I love watching project runway, america’s next top model. So clothes, fashion, my style, my makeup game. I knew this would connect my two passions of fashion and writing, so I took a shot in the dark.
I know this is only the beginning for this blog but I’m going to work to branch outside of my comfort zone. Now I know through this experience that people will not always come back into your life. I know that person will never care for me like they did before. I still see myself as a young person so I still have a lot to learn, literally, I have homework. That aside I just want to thank my beautiful people for sticking with me. I hope the rest of your day is great and I will see you guys soon.
I'm just trying not to die within the next 24 hours, read as much as I can and get my degree