So as you all now I have been writing spoken word since late last year but it hasn’t been the same.  Recently I’ve been back at it writing short stories about characters based off of who I am or was. I am going to make an effort to write not about me this summer seeing as that usually helped dealing with shit. By shit I mean terrible thoughts of the past and present.  I will be posting them to my old Wattpad account when they are done and decently edited by people. I will update it in each blog whenever there is one.

Also I got a ukulele so I will be trying new things with that on my YouTube channel. Like usual keep an eye out and I hope the rest of your day is great.

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So as you all know I’ve been going to therapy for about almost a month, weekly meetings. This a school provided thing and they wont be here during the summer. They’ve highly encouraged me to do summer therapy but again I’m at a cross roads. Usually I never went to therapy during the summer. I always had a job or something to keep me occupied. I’m at a cross roads and have no clue what to do. I’ll update what I decide to do in this same draft. See you guys later and I hope you have a good day!
UPDATE!

Talked about with therapist and still on the fence about it but I think I’m willing. Maybe in the next few weeks or something. Hope you had a fantastic day!

UPDATE!!2

I am going to summer therapy and I will make a separate post about it in a few weeks<3

I’ve been writing a lot more that usual. This is a good and bad thing, let me explain. If I write too much I dont have time to proofread. I just keep writing and writing but I never look it over and criticize my own writing.

It’s a good thing because I dont really have writer block. I just keep writing and I always have something to work on.

But some my work will never meet another set of eyes and is that okay? Totally. Recently in my creative writing class, yes I’ve been going to class again. Proud moment my dudes! There was a poet who came his name was Danez Smith. He has won a ton of awards and has a book that I will link at the bottom. It was amazing to hear him speak and answer some questions.

I asked him about his writing process. He said that he doesn’t know, he just made time for it whenever. That made me realize that I have the time to write like my blog and YouTube channel. (Btw I will post a video this coming tuesday I promise!) Now as the time comes down to choose work for my portfolio, I have no idea. My writing as of now ranges from depressing as ef, or kind of hopeful and inspiring. There are some that are inbetween but I’m not sure it would get the message across. I feel like this message could be very raw and deep. It could be but I still have no clue. I guess that’s the adventure in this.  Thank you for letting me rant about this and I will see you guys next Sunday!

Recently I’ve been reading a lot and I realized that I missed it. I started reading Emergency Contact by Mary H.K. Choi and so far I am really enjoying it. As this is going out I don’t know how far I am but I may already be finished with it. While i was reading not matter where it was I remembered the joy of reading. How when you read that really good book that you forgot time was a thing. Or when you got in a really comfortable position in a public place but you don’t care about that. On Wednesday I was at the mall because finals is upon my campus and I needed to get away. So I went into Barnes and Noble right? Got this really large amount of tea and I sat down to read. For however long I was there I enjoyed it. I forgot how much you can relate to characters and picture them as friends. (If If you do that too we are automatically friends.)

I could go on and on about this but I have other papers to write and procrastinate. Leave a comment about your favorite book or character and why, I love hearing these so much. Mine currently is the main character of Emergency Contact, her name is Penny. I love how she’s so sarcastic and has a dry sense of humor. She’s awkward beyond belief and is a college freshman like myself. Anyways I hope your day or week was amazing and I will see you guys next Sunday!

So as you all know my therapy session is almost upon us. I am scared out of my comfy tshirts. I made an outline of what to talk about with them and that’s really it. I keep adding things and trying not to overthink about everything that much. These past few days have been a struggle, I’ve procrastinated a paper or three and slept in till almost noon these past few days. I just don’t want to feel this way anymore but it’s hard to switch something off that’s been there for this past month. Again thank you so much for dealing with me and will update next Sunday!

 

Okay so recently I have been in this rut in all three areas (mentally, physically, and emotionally).

So now as I type here I am going to go out of my comfort zone. Today at 4pm I am going to go to an aerial class that will be going on for four weeks every Sunday. If the events on Saturday dont go well, I will sign up for one therapy session. I also signed up for a four week pole class starting on april fourth.

I am both scared and excited to be trying these things, I also realized through this relapse that my feelings are vaild. It took me eighteen years to realize that what I am feeling right now is actually good. It’s just when I feel it constantly and it has overtook my life is when it gets bad.

I get so stuck within my head that I just expect people to get what happened and all of that. It’s terrible when you want to tell someone something but not actually wanting to say any of it.

I will also be uploading a new video, whether on my vlog channel or my main every tuesday. So keep an eye out for that on my social media.

As for my blog I will continue to do book reviews, Self care Sundays, and my photo blog will start up again next week. These past few weeks have been very bad and saturday may be my breaking point. But on the bright side…I honestly can’t think of anything right now other than I might get to see my friends tomorrow. I’m under some pressure by my parents saturday but what’s new there. I paid for my classes already and there’s no going back. I really need to sleep. Yeah, thank you so much for sticking with me!

Okay so who has this problem too? It’s ten to midnight and you just got back from being with friends, you just remember that forum for religion class. You quickly type on your computer as you count down the minutes.

Yeah same here, that was me last week lmao. Only it wasn’t with religion, it was with my creative writing. Thankfully I had something deep in the void of my google drive, so I made it. But this happens so much with my blog, on thursday for example when I got rid of most my clothes. I finally remembered to post it at like five in the afternoon. Also this past Saturday with #StunningSaturday I did the shoot the day of. I woke up at ten am and waited anxiously for the model to arrive. We did the shoot then I went straight into editing for a good hour. When I deemed it good I posted it, I did that with the first one too.

Long story short is I need to not and say I did when it comes to procrastination. The only thing that really works for me is putting in my calendar. I get those annoying beeps like five times a day. When to get ready for class, when to post on the main blog, when to post on my youtube channel, and when to post on my photography blog. I still feel like I’m procrastinating because I get in done eventually. I don’t know the point honestly, it was supposed to be inspiring but it just went a different way.

I hope this helped, I set schedules in my phone, oh I also make to do lists to help me daily. That’s me though, I don’t know if you guys do that too. With all of this said I hope the rest of your Sunday is great and I will see you guys tomorrow!